Leaning into Grief & Goodness
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? -Kahlil Jibran, “On Joy and Sorrow”
There are seasons that hurry by, and then there are seasons that linger. There are circumstances that go unresolved and grief that lurks. In the lingering, we do our best to navigate the circumstances that occupy our lives, work, and hearts.
Grief has a way of seeping through the cracks and crevices of the lives that we inhabit. At other times, it barrels through doors like a flood that saturates all that is in its path. Goodness does likewise. These past six months have brought much grief–the deaths of my loving grandmother, Rozzie, and my dear cousin Max. The year began with the madness of injustice and a deep sadness about the politics that would prove to be detrimental to numerous people across the globe. The death of a beloved student caused widespread grief on the college campus where I work, and I officiated her memorial service. From Chattanooga, Washington D.C., Gaza, Ukraine, South Sudan, and Congo, the grief rages.
During my childhood, there was a period during Sunday worship when it seemed that the troubles of the world were being made right. Those who had something to say walked down the red carpet in their Sunday best. They testified of trouble, desperation, and a God who made a way out of no way. Folks moaned. We swayed. We affirmed one another. There were loud cries and soft words. Their words were carried out in buckets of faith that they pulled up from the deep wells of their souls. They refuted their hardship with verses of scripture and the trusted words of the saints. They gave thanks to God for waking them up, being a friend, a redeemer, and a healer. They gave thanks for answered prayers. They tended to the heavy hearts of listeners whose loads seemed to lighten after hearing about another’s grief and God’s goodness at work in the midst of it. Growing up in a Black church taught me much about what it means to lean into grief and goodness.
What circumstances have taught you to lean into grief and goodness?
Sometimes it's the mechanic reporting the vehicle needs a costly replacement, and the gift of a good-hearted person willing to give you a ride to where you need to go.
Sometimes, it’s waiting for too long for the right opportunities to do the kind of work that you really want to do, and then watching it manifest in ways that you could not have imagined.
It’s turning on the news to hear about devastation and heartache that is too much, and then unexpected stories reminding us that there are people committed to healing in the midst of widespread brokenness.
It’s the tornadic storms that wreck the lives we have built and cause us to lose the loved ones that made it worthwhile, and it’s the neighbors who grieve with us and help us to figure out the way forward.
It’s the hateful and inhumane starving of people for which there is no godly rationale, and it’s the people who labor tirelessly to ensure the hungry are fed and policies are changed that prevent such horror.
It’s unexpected hospital visits that scare us and the body’s slow fight to recover that saves us.
It’s the prevalence of ludicrous lies that steal from the truth, and our commitment to abiding in truth that sets us free.
It’s the layoff of a job and the opening up of another.
It’s feeling stuck in grief and being held by goodness.
It’s hope deferred and hope re-imagined.
It’s the presence of joy that lurks in grief’s shadows.
I hope you will return over the next few weeks as I will share writings about grief and goodness. May God meet you as you sit in grief and stand in goodness.
What places and people have taught you to lean into grief and goodness?
What actions do you take to avoid grief? What actions do you take to embrace it—to mourn?
What ways do you delight in goodness? What ways do you struggle to embrace goodness?
