Wholeness Part III--Hindrances to Wholeness
Wholeness begins with identifying factors that hinder our health and contribute to our dysfunction. I will share some of the revelations that came about when I began exploring wholeness that may help you as you reflect on your circumstances. Perhaps you will slow down enough to be able to notice these signs that I did not pay attention to while I was busy living in the fast lane. These aspects prevented wholeness by breaking and damaging my soul—not in catastrophic, clear ways or all at once; but by chipping away little by little. The following are aspects that I have identified as some hindrances to wholeness:
valuing others’ time and life commitments above our own. This shows up when we do not use our time outside of work, days off and vacations for ourselves and non-work. Rep. Maxine Waters would encourage us to “reclaim our time” by not allowing others to dictate how we should use time allotted to us and for us. The people we love and the work we enjoy can easily take over our personal time. We are better for the people and the work when we take time to pursue wholeness. We can let go of guilt for not being able to attend every work function. It often takes intentional reflection as we look at our weekly schedules to ask, “How is my time not being used in ways that I have purposed?” Even if you have very limited time for yourself, it will be worth giving consideration to this question.
using the margin of our days to get caught up or ahead with work. When we do not have boundaries or keep track of work hours, work can bleed into personal time. Although, technology makes it possible to connect and communicate instantly, it also makes it almost effortless to use personal time to read work emails and conduct business. When we have the choice, it is better to use our margin to recharge, breathe, rest, play or call someone we love [to discuss life that does not include work]. Those of us who misuse margin can create expectations in the workplace that view those who maintain healthy boundaries as not working as hard or lacking commitment.
not delegating: 1. because we do not trust others; 2. because we like control; 3. because we have a lack of time to invest in teaching others. I am sure many of us could use personal time for editing and making improvements on work projects, but for those who are perfectionists, it often means we give more than we have time for and more than other people actually care! Find people to trust and teach so that assignments can be transferred. We will do our best work when we are not overworked. If we have an unreasonable amount of work and have attempted to delegate or share the load with others, but have not found the right ones, then there may need to be a discussion about hiring more people. Our work community as a whole will thrive when people’s talents and time are not taken advantage of and their contributions are valued.
upholding an ethic of being professional over being prophetic. When we choose the former over the latter, individuals and organizations may look good on the outside, but they will suffer on the inside. The prophet is not afraid to challenge the status quo. It means being willing to do the hard work of deconstructing ineffective and harmful practices. It includes taking the time to explore and invest in new possibilities that make our work better. It involves questioning that which lacks morality and goodness. Focusing on being professional looks like editing ourselves, holding back truth and giving people what we think they want. It means dressing our words and deeds in that which is appealing. Like certain clothing that fits professional occasions, it can be uncomfortable and fail to represent who we truly are. When we wear our best selves we make room for others to do the same. There is a time to be professional; but there is a time to prophetically call out foolishness and call upon people and organizations to be better.
choosing loyalty above all else. This is a recent one that I am still exploring. I mean we all want folks who will be loyal. There are good people and causes to get behind. I have been considering how senior leaders praise the loyalty of team members and reward those who appear the most loyal (even if they are not executing their jobs well). In places where this often happens, authenticity becomes an afterthought and valuable voices go unheard. For Jesus followers, it often means the confusion of choosing allegiance to people and empires that cannot always align with the Gospel. Silently sacrificing ourselves for the sake of someone or something at work may be considered loyal and admirable to some leaders, but each choice leads us further away from wholeness.
taking over-responsibility for others. A large part of my restoration of mind, body and spirit has come from relinquishing over-responsibility. Over-responsibility is when we make ourselves the stewards over others’ emotional wellbeing. I am on a journey of committing not to be responsible for adults who have agency. I aim “to do no harm” through my thoughts, words and deeds. Yet, we may find it more valuable to tell the truth that transforms, which can be painful and misunderstood by others. It is not my job to qualify or dial back to help individuals feel better about themselves. It is not your job to coddle people who are willfully emotionally immature. Grown folks have to learn to deal with our feelings and not expect others to guard and guide them.
There is a time when certain projects, programs and particular circumstances mean we have to work hard and long. I am not discounting these realities nor encouraging people to quit and move on. I am hoping to encourage: reflection on how your work affects your level of wholeness, reconsideration for how you spend your time, and reclaiming courage and authenticity that aligns with who God has called you to become.
“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well? (John 5:6)”
This was Jesus’ question to the man who had been lying near the pool of Bethsaida and ailing for thirty-eight years. The asking may seem simplistic and the answer may seem obvious. Yet, the question calls for rhetorical reflection for all listeners—even those who think that they are well and do not need what Jesus is offering. Just because one is ill does not mean that he actually wants to be made well. We can get stuck in societal systems and sickness that keep us comfortable and thriving that we cannot imagine life apart from them. This is not simply about seeking an appearance of wholeness, but pursuing an essence that gives us peace and health at our core. We will struggle with mental, emotional, spiritual and physical brokenness. We will not overcome all of the challenges of this life. Wholeness begins with asking and answering the hard questions.
ARE YOU WILLING TO HONESTLY AND BOLDLY ANSWER JESUS?
DO YOU WANT TO BE MADE WELL?
DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT WHOLENESS?