Lessons from the Past & Promises for the Future
In eighty-five days, I will turn 40. I am contemplating the ways that I will mark this milestone. Perhaps, John and I will celebrate and take a noteworthy trip. I will spend time with family and dear friends who have made this life worthwhile. We will dine, dance, reflect, travel, laugh and our hearts will sing. We need more meaningful moments and “just because celebrations” in a world that is on fire—ways to mark the good and push back against/boycott the evil. These moments and celebrations do not happen just because we complete another revolution around the sun.
We know that many do not live to see 40 (e.g. Jesus, Lorraine Hansberry, MLK, Tupac, Sandra Bland). When one of my dearest friends died five months after her thirty-fourth birthday, I was confronted with the lesson of what it means to take no day for granted.
When young people who have big families and dreams are being murdered daily in Palestine, it is a reminder that peace and prosperity are a privilege that many do not have. When women in Congo are forced to make the choice between being killed or raped, I lament and pray that each of us do our part to make peace and to honor the humanity in the faces of those across the table, aisle and world.
Last week, I lay on the floor in a Pilates class breathing in the lemongrass essential oil that burned in the diffuser near me and thought “breeeathe deeply and take no breath for granted.”
I live aware of the precious gift of breathing with ease. I breathe in the smell of my mother’s slow-cooked ribs on Christmas morning. I breathe in the frigid air as I run. I breathe out the reality that I do not run as fast as I used to. I breathe in deep gratitude for the abundance of God-given goodness that fills my heart. I breathe out the worries about the year ahead. I breathe in prayers for people whose worlds are ravaged by what King called the three evils—poverty, racism, and militarism. I breathe out the despair that tries to settle in my bones.
While spending the past few weeks reflecting, I have decided to share five important lessons that I would tell the 30-year-old me which are the same promises I will make to the future Alexis:
God does not need you to be like Jesus, but God desires for you to be more like you as you follow Jesus. I have spent many years reading about Jesus and striving to be like him. Sometimes this has meant denying who God made me to be and downplaying what it means to be a Black woman in the U.S.A. I have become better about embracing the fullness of who I am, how I show up, and to be astounded as God works through me while being me.
“It’s hard to love people if we spend all of our time wishing they were different.” During a preaching class I took in seminary, I heard the Reverend Bill Ritter say this regularly. Throughout the years, these words came to mind when I grew frustrated and tried to fix others who I deemed would be better and easier to love if they were different. Accepting people in all of their glory and shortcomings makes us human and our relationships more enriching. The hope is people will love us for who we are and not spend all of their time wishing we were different.
Flourishing in certain areas of your life will only come about through leaning into relationships with others. I have traveled abroad, lived, dreamed, and made big life commitments solo. I am an only child, so I have spent a great deal of time doing activities alone. Nevertheless, some of the best parts of who I am have only come about through being in nurturing relationships.
I have had the joy of numerous friendships throughout my life, yet it is only in recent years that I have been more thoughtful and selective about cultivating friendships. I have grown as a human and in my ability to be a good friend, family member, and partner through choosing relationships that invite me to explore and share the depths of my soul [and support others doing likewise].Sharing life with another, evolving, learning humility, and seeing the best and worst parts of ourselves is wild. I feel like I am knowledgeable about many things and excel at various tasks, but there is so much I do not know about doing life intimately with another. Yet, I discovered that there are other ways to live. Alexis, “Don’t take yourself too seriously. Breathe deeply. Listen. Be open to newness. Listen. And laugh more.”
When you are not looking for what's next, it may be looking for you. For the past three years, I have served as program director for an initiative that has allowed me to do wonderful work and support innovative ministry. I have needed the flexible and hopeful work in the midst of life changes in family and coursework. Well, I came into this consulting work as a result of connecting with someone who I was seated at a table with at a conference in 2016. He said, “Let’s work together if you ever move to South Carolina.” I laughed and assured this person that I would not ever do that.
I applied two years ago for my current job…a day or two after it was offered to someone else. But I gained time—to rest, write, finish my doctoral work. Two years later, here I am in the job that I am supposed to have.
Be a learner. I struggle being new at something and not having extensive knowledge about it. Last summer, I began High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). I had no clue what to expect but arrived at my first class eager with the energy of starting a new summer adventure. I had less core strength then I thought. Half way through the class, I was gasping for breath through my mouth and leaving drops of sweat beneath my planked body. I committed to push through what would be my last HITT class. A woman next to me leaned over at the end of class, “It gets easier.” I returned the next week, and then the next. I became a regular at the Tuesday and Thursday HIIT class. It did get easier, but it remains challenging and continues to stretch me.
I also started learning Kiswahili at the end of 2022. A year later, I have learned over 1,500 new vocabulary words. Yet, when I practice speaking with native speakers, there is a lot of laughter, and I am reminded that I need to do it more often.
Take a new class, read a book about something/someone/some place that intrigues you, seek out a new friend, or try out a new hobby.
Life is indeed too short not to be the people we were created to become, to give too much time to wishing others were different, and to living so calculated that we fail at being open to the divine possibilities that meet us by us being present in the moment.
What have you learned about yourself over the past decade (some lessons are not learned in a year, but they take 5+)?
”I am the daughter of Black writers who are descended from Freedom Fighters who broke their chains and changed the world. They call me,” wrote the poet Amanda Gorman. Who is calling you to be who you are? Who is calling you to do the work that you do?
What do you imagine “being you and following Jesus” looks like in 2024?
What goodness has found you when you were not looking for it?
What within you needs your attention in this new year?
What are you being called to learn more about in the coming year(s)?
